I first want to wish everybody a very happy New Year, and I hope everyone had a joyous holiday season. The holidays kicked off with my 42nd birthday on December 20. I felt like I was skirting around the 40s for the last 2 years, but at 42 I can no longer fool myself: for better or worse, I am in my 40s. Sometimes I feel like a little girl when I’m watching Fresh Beat Band and other Nick Jr. shows with Lexie. Other times I feel like a teenager when I’m bouncing my head in my car to Beyonce or Lil Wayne. Sometimes I even feel like I’m in my early 20s when I’m frantically texting Reggie or obsessively checking Facebook. And then I’ll hear some senseless hip hop song on the radio, catch a glimpse of Love and Hip Hop or the TI show, or listen to Danielle talk about some high school drama, and I feel every one of my 42 years. It was a low-key day, and we capped it off with a family dinner at Olive Garden. The best present of all was Lexie sleeping through the night, and come to think of it, she hasn't slept through the night since (what’s up with that??).
Christmas was equally as low key. We had a small dinner at home with just the four of us. Lexie got an abundance of toys, clothes, and money (to set aside for her spring and summer wardrobe). Every day our family room looks like a toy store exploded in it as Lexie goes from toy to toy, dropping whatever she is no longer interested in. I heave a sigh of relief every evening when she goes to bed and the family room resembles a room again. Danielle got the usual teenager stuff--one or two presents, and the best gift of all--money. We took her to the mall a few days after Christmas and let her shop while Reggie, Lexie, and I sat in one of the mall’s sitting areas.
The low-key theme continued on into New Year’s. Lexie hadn’t gone to bed before midnight for several days by then, and New Year’s Eve was no exception. We toasted the New Year, made a few midnight phone calls, and one of us (I can’t remember who) had the ominous task of putting Lexie to bed. We spent the rest of New Year’s weekend slowly getting ready for the workweek (and year) ahead. Danielle, Lexie, and Reggie were all home for Christmas break, and even though I went to work (in my new position), it was a skeletal staff and there wasn’t much for me to do, so it was a mini-vacation of sorts for me too. I think it was tough for all of us to get back into the groove when Monday morning inevitably rolled around. My early morning post on Facebook summed up the general mood in the house: "And the merry-go-round starts again. Ugh." But I for one don’t want that black mood to linger around for long. It’s the start of a new day, a new week, a new month, and a new year. Anything and everything is possible in 2012.
I look back on 2011 with mixed feelings. It was my first full year as a working mom, and there were definitely bumps in the road as I tried to balance working and motherhood. Communication problems plagued my marriage at times. I felt dissatisfied with my job most of the year. It was hard to find any time to do some of the things I did pre-Lexie. Two deaths in the family left me especially sad and made me feel very acutely the mortality of life. On the plus side, my relationship with Danielle improved tremendously, and I owe a lot of that to me finally feeling comfortable with my role in her life. I started a new position at work in late December, and I hope I have better relationships with my colleagues here than I did in my old position. And Reggie and I shared a glass of wine last night and pledged to both take steps to avoid the pitfalls that befell us last year.
I don’t really have any quantifiable goals for the year--no set number of pounds I want to lose or number of days I want to work out or any date by which I want to accomplish something. I want this to be the year where I do all the things I didn’t do last year because I let time get away from me: get more involved with yoga, run at the track, figure out the direction of my blog, write more, start exposing Lexie to all the wonderful things life has to offer. And I want to spend more time doing my life and less time complaining or worrying about what's wrong with it.
