Good-bye, 2011

As we enter the last days of 2011, many of us take time to reflect on the past year--the ups and the downs, the good times, the bad times, what went wrong, and what went right. The New Year is God's way of giving us a do-over, the perennial second chance, the opportunity to fix the messes we may have made over the course of the last 12 months. And many of us do take advantage of this time to wipe the slate clean, and we make solemn resolutions, or declarations, or promises, or intentions (or whatever you like to call it) to make positive changes in our lives in the New Year: to get a better job, stop smoking, lose weight, start exercising, make amends with estranged family members, clean up debt, go back to school, and so on. Whatever is on your "to-do" list for 2012, let these twenty questions, taken from examiner.com, guide you in your reflection of the past and anticipation for the future as we prepare to bid farewell to 2011 and usher in 2012.

• What were my resolutions or goals for 2011?
• What were my greatest accomplishments for 2011 that I am most proud of?
• Now, what was one more?
• What are the actions I took to achieve these accomplishments?
• What strengths did I tap into to be able to take these actions?
• How can I apply these strengths to move forward in 2012?
• What did I intend to do in 2011 that did not get done?
• What were the biggest challenges or barriers I faced in 2011 that contributed to not accomplishing everything I wanted?
• How did I deal with each of these?
• Where do I get my strength to overcome barriers?
• How have I grown from these accomplishments and challenges?
• What am I most grateful for as I reflect back on the year?
• What have I learned?
• Who are my greatest supporters or support systems that I can rely on as I move forward?
• How can I show my gratitude and appreciation to those who have supported me?
• What would I like to be different in the upcoming year?
• What would it feel like to experience this difference?
• What am I willing to do to make this change a reality?
• What barriers do I anticipate and what strategies can I put into place to overcome these barriers?
• What is the first step I need to take to get closer to my goals?

Looking Back and Looking Forward

I’ve long stopped making traditional New Year’s resolutions per se in favor of intentions, which don’t sound quite as ominous.  Resolutions are often broken before January is over, as is evidenced by the surge in gym memberships the first week in January and the inevitable drop off in attendance four weeks later.  Here are some intentions I set at the end of 2010.  Let’s see how I fared over the last 11 months and how I can improve in 2012.

Continue to be a good steward of my money.
I would grade my credit card usage this year as B-/B.  I didn’t splurge on items I didn’t need just because there was a sale or I had a coupon.  But in general, I could plan major and even regular purchases better.  Cash is always the preferred option.  But if I do use credit, my motto is:  If I don’t have a plan to pay it off in two payments, I don’t need it.  If I continue in this fashion, I should be good for 2012 and beyond.

 
Continue to make fitness a priority in my life (maybe even start running again this summer).
I've had some ups and downs this year with working out, times when I aimlessly wandered from machine to machine at the gym, occasions where I punked out on the treadmill after two minutes.  I stopped going to one class because it was too tough.  After struggling for a month to keep up, I realized I wasn’t in the right shape to be in that class, and instead of forcing myself to take the weekly punishment, I wisely stopped before I did my body and ego serious damage.  But I'm in a pretty good groove now with yoga, slightly easier conditioning classes, treadmill running, and occasional walking, which I intend to keep up in 2012.  I didn’t make it out to the track to do any serious running this year though, and that’s one thing I need to change in 2012.  I miss running outdoors.  And I may even try that killer class again.

Continue working to have mature relationships with the people in my life.
There were hits and misses this year on that.  “No” is still a hard word for some people to hear.  Maturity is still a hard concept for some people to wrap their heads around.  But I hold fast to the fact that I’m a grown woman, and I make decisions based on what’s best for me and my family.  People don’t have to agree with them or even understand them, but they need to respect them.

Continue to be the best mother I can be to Alexandra and enjoy watching her grow and explore the world around her (and also think of some fun things to do with a one-year-old this summer).
I’ve tried to do my best by Alexandra this year.  Any mistakes I made had only the best intentions.  It’s amazing watching her grow into an inquisitive toddler, and I hope she continues to be the cheerful girl she is today.  But I must admit, I really dropped the ball on fun activities with her this summer.  You might be able to get away with that with a one-year-old, but I’m not going to be able to entertain a two-year-old on my own for an entire summer, so I’ll need to find some fun weekend activities soon: Gymboree, dance, gymnastics are being considered.

Make my marriage a priority again by making time for it and not letting it fall by the wayside.
Sadly, some distance had developed between me and the hubby at times. It's so easy to get caught up in Alexandra, work, running the household, etc., that we forget we're a married couple and we need to relate to each other as married people. Every conversation doesn't have to be about family, work, requesting the other to do something, divvying up the responsibilities for the week, and so on.

We both know intelligently that we should make spending quality time together a priority, even if it’s just ten minutes with a glass of wine at the end a long, busy day after the kids are in bed, but somehow we get caught up in our own agendas and that quality time almost never happens. Clearly, it needs to start happening.

Use my time wisely, learn to delegate, ask for help, and don't feel guilty if sometimes I just want to sit around and do nothing.
This is a work in progress. Being organized, having superb time management skills, a super-clean house, and everything in order is great, but I’ve (sometimes reluctantly) come to realize that I can’t do everything and that sometimes having fun takes precedence over a clean house. There've been days when I did absolutely nothing and didn't feel guilty about the laundry that didn't get washed or the floor that didn't get mopped. And there have been some evenings when after Alexandra went to bed, I soon followed and luxuriated in 7-8 hours of straight sleep.  And there have even been times when I gratefully let somebody else handle it.

Have a consistent home yoga practice. It doesn't have to be long and it doesn't have to be every day, but it has to be something. I bought a basket a few months ago and put my yoga mats in the living room for a reason: to encourage me to do yoga at the drop of a hat. If I don't get on my mat, then they might as well still be in the closet in my bedroom.
Sad to say, my yoga mats should still be in the closet in my bedroom. I hardly practiced at all, and that clearly needs to change for next year. When I practice, however long or short, even if it’s just a few down dog-plank combinations or a long tree pose, I feel grounded and more focused.  Yoga both energizes and calms me.  It’s good for the body, mind, and soul.  A renewed home practice plus taking classes at the charming studio near my home where Lexie and I did Mommy and Me yoga are part of the plan for next year.  Yoga meets you wherever you are; you just have to get on your mat.

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Much to Be Thankful For

The end of the year is a time for reflection and introspection for many people.  Thanksgiving was created specifically for people to give thanks and express gratitude for all the bounty in their lives.  Whatever happened in later years, I'd like to think that the first “Thanksgiving” meal between the Pilgrims and Native Americans was one of sincerity and good intentions.

Sixty Minutes recently did a segment on homeless families in America.  Of all the homeless families in the United States, about a third live in Florida, a state that suffered horribly when the construction industry collapsed in the wake of the real estate bubble bursting.  Many of these homeless families live in their cars.  These were families with working parents, but jobs were lost and unemployment ran out, and soon they found themselves foreclosed out of their homes.  Several families were profiled.  It was eye-opening, humbling, and heartbreaking to listen to their stories: washing up at different gas stations to avoid the attention of gas station attendants; the husband who cried while he recounted the story of staying up all night sitting on a cooler watching over his family as they slept; the children who think this is an “adventure”; finding a “safe” place to park for the night; the mother who talked about how her family went from three meals a day to one to make the money stretch.

The children profiled seemed especially mature, and despite their hardship, all were in school and made studying a priority.  One of the girls struck me as particularly wiser than her fifteen years, especially when she said that even though she was homeless, she felt sorry for other homeless people and wanted to help them.  Her and her brother sought comfort performing in a community theater, doing something normal in their not-normal lives.

I was riveted, and so was my teenage stepdaughter, who usually doesn’t show much interest in TV beyond sitcoms, music videos, and reality shows.  But there she was, quietly watching with me. I wondered if she was thinking that her problems are trivial compared to what these kids face every day.

I myself couldn’t help but think “there but for the grace of God go I.”  It could be me and my family living in a car.  So many of us are a paycheck, a medical catastrophe, or a downsize away from financial ruin.   My husband and I are both blessed that the recession has not affected us personally.  We have never missed a payment on any bill and are able to buy Christmas presents for our daughters.  That is something to be thankful for because regardless of the billions of dollars spent on Black Friday, there are plenty of families who won't be buying a thing for Christmas, because it’s all they can do to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads.

When I think of some of the petty things I have complained about, I’m embarrassed.  It’s time for me and anyone else who falls in this category to stop looking at what’s wrong or missing in their lives and be thankful for the small things like a clean pair of socks to wear and the big things like a house to live in.